1
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,801
Good morning,
Cousin Tommy.
I love you.
2
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:12,012
Good morning,
Cousin Mel.
I love you.
3
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,391
Good morning,
Cousin Sam.
I love you.
4
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,770
Good morning,
Cousin Tommy.
I love you.
5
00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:23,815
Good morning,
Cousin Becca.
I love you.
6
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:27,069
Good morning,
Cousin Sam.
I love you.
7
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:31,365
Good morning,
Pappy Boyle.
I love you.
8
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,076
Good morning, Becca.
I love you.
9
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,788
Ooh, extra-long hug.
10
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,290
What got into you
this morning, Pappy?
11
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:43,544
Pappy?
12
00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:46,964
Pappy!
13
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:50,050
(SCREAMING)
14
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,844
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
15
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,030
Oh, Charles.
16
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,865
I'm so sorry about
your great-uncle Pappy.
17
00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:15,701
You holding up okay?
I've been managing.
18
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:16,952
Mmm...
Have you though?
19
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,412
BOYLE: Number two,
step up.
20
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,205
Say, "Charles,
it's Pappy.
I'll always love you."
21
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,331
MAN: Okay. Uh,
22
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,500
"Charles, it's Pappy.
I'll always love you."
23
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,252
Then why did
you leave me?
24
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,212
Anyway, thanks
for coming with me
to the funeral.
25
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:28,380
I think we're
all packed.
26
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:29,506
I just got to go
grab the coffin.
27
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,049
Wait, why are you
bringing the coffin?
28
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,468
I brought a coffin
to my nana's funeral
on a whim,
29
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,638
and it was a big hit.
So now, guess who's
the coffin cousin?
30
00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:37,723
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
31
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,850
Got to say, Terry,
I'm a little surprised
you're coming to this.
32
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,351
Honestly,
I need a break
from the kids.
33
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,270
Cagney and Lacey
keep trying to trick me
34
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:44,855
into falling down
the stairs on TikTok.
35
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,607
Terry can't sprain
another ankle.
36
00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:48,400
Well, I, for one,
am pumped to be going.
37
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:49,818
To a funeral?
I'm so bored, Terry.
38
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,528
I've been suspended
for 87 days.
39
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,113
Mac gets dropped off
at day care,
40
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,073
and I just sit at home
playing Animal Crossing.
41
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,825
But no one will buy
my bugs or fossils.
42
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,827
I'm desperate for some
normal human interaction.
43
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,162
BOYLE: Coffin delivery!
44
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,206
Okay, fine. It doesn't
have to be normal or human.
45
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,416
Any interaction
will work.
46
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,335
Yo. You forgot
your lunch.
47
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,628
HOLT: Oh.
Thank you, Diaz.
48
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,588
Sir, I didn't realize
you were still
staying at Rosa's.
49
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,340
I thought
couple's counseling
was going well.
50
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:12,841
Not anymore.
At Kevin's request,
51
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,177
I offered to reduce
my work hours by 26%.
52
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,511
Kevin countered
with 50
53
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:17,721
which I countered
with 30.
54
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:18,805
Then Kevin says 40...
55
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,515
Seems like a lot
of math for therapy.
56
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,017
That's what
Dr. Cheryl said.
57
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,686
Anyway, Kevin refuses
to budge from 36%.
58
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:27,064
And I'm starting to worry
that I might lose to him.
59
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,148
You mean lose him.
60
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,566
No. Lose to him.
61
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,610
Therapy is
a chess match.
62
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,779
And I will prevail.
63
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,657
Or it's about saving
your marriage.
64
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,950
You should make
a grand romantic gesture.
65
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,077
Ugh, so dumb.
66
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,203
Seriously?
From the woman
67
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,704
who loves Nancy
Meyers movies?
68
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,289
Yeah. Here's what
I've learned as a PI.
69
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,625
People suck,
everyone cheats,
and love is an illusion.
70
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,543
Nancy Meyers is a fool,
and Holt should start dating.
71
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:49,670
BOTH: What?
You heard me.
72
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,129
It's the only way
you're gonna beat Kevin.
73
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,091
I'm thinking about it.
I'm considering it,
74
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,218
and I've decided.
75
00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:57,928
I'm in.
(GASPS)
76
00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,722
Here it is.
Pappy Boyle's farm.
77
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,016
I spent every summer
here as a kid.
78
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,768
Got to say,
it's nicer than
I was expecting.
79
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:05,977
Pappy did well
for himself.
80
00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:07,396
You know, he went
to business school
in New York.
81
00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:08,647
He got a job
in Wall Street.
82
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,732
And one day his hand
got caught in
a subway door.
83
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:13,026
And he was dragged
from Times Square
into Queens.
84
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,653
Largest settlement
in city history.
85
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:17,823
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
Pappy should've used
that cash on pest control.
86
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,366
There's giant
rats everywhere.
87
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,910
Those are nutria, Terry.
They're nothing like rats.
88
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,078
They have
meatier haunches,
89
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,454
and their teeth
are more orange.
90
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,456
You know, nutria
are actually great pets.
91
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,749
They're affectionate
and smart.
92
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,126
They know how
to open doors.
93
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,210
Plus, you can
milk them.
94
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,962
But... Should you?
95
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,047
Pappy drank nutria milk,
and he was fit as a fiddle.
96
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,298
Anyway, you got
to see the house.
97
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,592
I can't wait to show you
the rug I was born on.
98
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,928
Sure it's been
cleaned since then.
99
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,972
Charles Boyle,
I love you.
100
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,057
Sam Boyle,
I love you.
101
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,600
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
102
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:51,815
Where's that dead body?
103
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,984
He's in the barn,
and he looks adorable.
104
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,153
Ah, terrific.
And everything's set
for the funeral?
105
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,947
There's one little
issue. We can't
find Pappy's will.
106
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,240
What?
He wanted
to leave the farm
107
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,659
to the Council of Cousins,
but if we don't find
those papers,
108
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,077
it goes to
Cousin Lyndon.
109
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,704
Oh, no.
Who's Cousin Lyndon?
110
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,831
Pappy's son.
He's the black sheep
of the family.
111
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,708
Wait, so we have
a wealthy patriarch
112
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,002
who mysteriously died,
a missing will,
113
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,212
and a black sheep set
to inherit everything?
114
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,797
Am I the only one
who suspects
foul play here?
115
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:18,508
He didn't die
mysteriously.
He was 93.
116
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,010
He was fit
as fiddle, Terr.
117
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,136
From all
the nutria milk.
118
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,555
Don't be ridiculous.
No Boyle would
ever commit murder.
119
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,182
Boyles don't even
get mad at each other.
120
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,018
Except in that rare instance
of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.
121
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,728
You're just bored
from your suspension
122
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,146
and desperate
to find a case to work.
123
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,606
No. That's not it.
124
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,857
I'm just telling you,
125
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,692
something doesn't
smell right here.
126
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,068
SAM: Oh, yeah.
That's Pappy's body.
127
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:38,945
Cousin Mel did
the embalming in here,
128
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,781
and I think she forgot
to add something.
129
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,867
Well, that's
a disturbing
revelation.
130
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,496
Hey. What's going on?
131
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:48,830
I'm helping Holt
pick a dating site.
132
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:51,166
Oh, this looks good.
PhDs only.
133
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,667
Uh, actually
in this context,
134
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,795
PHD stands for
Pretty Huge (BLEEP).
135
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:55,879
Oh, my.
136
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,965
I can only assume
that MDs only stands
for Medium (BLEEP).
137
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,217
Rosa, can I talk
to you for a second?
138
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,593
What the hell
are you doing?
139
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,970
Why are you trying to get
Holt and Kevin to break up?
140
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,847
I'm trying to get Holt
and Kevin back together.
141
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,140
He and Kevin
are perfect
for each other.
142
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,225
He just needs
to realize that.
143
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,101
Once he sees
what other trash
is out there,
144
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,311
he's gonna go
running straight back
145
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,395
into Kevin's arms,
146
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,147
just like in
a Nancy Meyers movie.
147
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,398
So you still love
Nancy Meyers?
148
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,234
I will never
turn my back
on Nancy Meyers.
149
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,527
Okay. I'm in.
150
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,863
Let operation
"Lucky Number Kevin" begin.
151
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,490
I'm out.
No, no, no. We don't
have to call it that.
152
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,034
Okay, then I think
I'll finish up
by saying
153
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,328
Pappy Boyle
was the best hugger.
154
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,664
Which is surprising
because he lost his
hand in the subway.
155
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,082
But he always said,
156
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,209
"You don't hug
with your hands,
157
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,418
"you hug with your heart.
158
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,380
"And your groin."
He got that groin involved.
159
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,966
Uh, a lot of groin talk
for a eulogy.
160
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:44,094
Everyone, there's
something you need
to see in the barn.
161
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,638
The game is afoot.
162
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,724
Pappy Boyle was 93.
Who would've suspected
163
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,518
that his death stemmed
from anything other than
164
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,061
the cruel embrace
of Father Time?
165
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,604
To suggest as much
might get someone
166
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,231
labeled a crackpot,
a kook,
167
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,567
someone that's "bored
with their suspension."
168
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,360
Can you cut the
Harriet the Spy windup?
169
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,486
It stinks in here.
170
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:04,322
What you're smelling, Terry,
is duplicity and deceit.
171
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,116
I think
it's actually
Pappy's organs.
172
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,617
Sam, you're kind of messing
with my flow right now.
173
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,703
Point is, I was
examining the body,
174
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:10,912
and I found something.
175
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,541
Classic ulceration
and desquamation
of the mouth.
176
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,210
Telltale signs
of poisoning.
177
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,336
(GASPS)
178
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,713
In other words...
179
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,674
(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT)
What we have ourselves here
180
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:25,760
is a good
ol' fashioned murder...
181
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:26,970
MAN: Oh, no.
182
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,180
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
...of a man who
you all loved dearly.
183
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,807
I shouldn't have done
the Knives Out accent.
184
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,478
All right. A man
has been poisoned,
his will is missing,
185
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,355
and there's only
one person
who stands to profit.
186
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:38,690
Lyndon Boyle.
187
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:39,858
Lyndon's not a killer.
188
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:42,569
I mean, he did skip
a Boyle family
Zoom last summer.
189
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,571
Yeah, it's true.
It's seven hours
out of your day.
190
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,780
How hard
is that to fit in?
191
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,699
Okay, let's set up
an interrogation room.
192
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,452
I wanna make this guy as
uncomfortable as possible.
193
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:52,287
(CHAIR CREAKING)
194
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,663
(SOFTLY) I thought
we were going
for uncomfortable.
195
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,789
What's with
the rocking chair?
196
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,708
It's a farm.
All the chairs
are rockers.
197
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:59,085
But don't worry,
I under-steeped the tea.
198
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,837
Ugh. It's so weak.
199
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,006
Why am I being treated
like a criminal?
200
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,090
Okay. I stand
corrected.
201
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:06,217
(CLEARS THROAT)
We'd like to ask you
a few questions.
202
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,094
Tell us about
your last contact
with your father.
203
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,221
Pappy? Well, I saw him
at his birthday party.
204
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,015
Mmm-hmm. And was
there anything unusual
205
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,600
about that night?
Nothing unusual at all.
206
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,352
We ate a pig
from snout to anus,
207
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,562
and then took turns giving
each other head massages.
208
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,856
I was tired.
So I found Pappy,
209
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,232
wished him a happy birthday.
210
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,734
We hugged for six minutes.
211
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:25,111
It was the last time
I saw him alive. (CRYING)
212
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:27,989
Did you see
those tears?
213
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,783
No way he did it.
Are you serious?
214
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,201
Anyone can fake cry.
215
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,702
You just have to think
of something sad.
216
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,537
Like that episode
of Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles
217
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,622
when Leonardo
was in a coma.
218
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,290
And that works?
Yeah.
219
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,376
Yeah, it does.
220
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,460
Now, come on.
Let's go poke some
221
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,795
holes in
Lyndon's story.
222
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:45,090
It was such a great party.
Everyone had the best time.
223
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,383
I mean, except for Lyndon.
224
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,968
Lyndon wasn't happy?
Yeah, it was strange.
225
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,970
He was passing
through the living room.
226
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,097
I asked him
if he wanted
a little HJ.
227
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,348
But he just ignored me.
228
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,850
I mean, who doesn't want
an HJ from their cousin?
229
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,102
JEFFORDS: Hold up. An HJ?
230
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,979
A head job. A massage.
231
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:00,563
Isn't that what
everyone calls it?
232
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,731
You bet.
Absolutely not.
233
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,525
Okay, so why was
Lyndon angry?
234
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,819
I bet it was whatever
Pappy said to him.
235
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,028
Wait. What Pappy
said when?
236
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,196
When they were
in Pappy's study.
237
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,572
We heard raised voices.
238
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:10,699
And then Lyndon said...
239
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:11,783
Good night.
240
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,618
...walked out of the room,
and closed the door
behind him.
241
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,286
PERALTA: That's all
he said? "Good night"?
242
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:16,830
Gentlemen...
243
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,082
I just solved this case.
244
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,002
DIAZ: Sir, if you
wanna get a date
off of these sites,
245
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,545
you're gonna have
to give me a little more
246
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:24,754
from your profile photo.
247
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,923
I just gave you
a series of eight poses,
248
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:30,427
each increasing in
sexual provocativeness
by one-eighth.
249
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,512
If you wanted
septiles or deciles
250
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,264
of sexiness,
you should've told me.
251
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,348
(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)
252
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,058
What? Why do you care
so much, Santiago?
253
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,476
I thought you didn't like
the idea of me dating.
254
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:39,853
Yes, initially.
255
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,105
But then I thought
about your metaphor
256
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,024
about how relationships
are like a chess match.
257
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,692
Mmm-hmm.
And it really convinced me.
258
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:46,860
That was
a strong observation.
259
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,988
So why don't you think
of this profile photo
260
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,115
as an epic chess move?
261
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,910
Like Vladimirov's
Thunderbolt of 1987.
262
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,370
Close the door, Diaz.
263
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,956
I'm removing
my collar stays.
264
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,500
Why am I back here?
Like I told you,
265
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:03,877
it was a typical night.
266
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,336
Right. Cousin
kissing circle,
267
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,713
everyone gets
burped after dinner.
268
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,840
Normal stuff. But let's
talk about what happened
269
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,550
after the burping,
shall we?
270
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,969
What are you getting at?
What exactly do you think
happened that night?
271
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,471
I'm so glad you asked.
272
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,599
I think Pappy called you
into his study and told you
273
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,142
he was cutting
you out of his will.
274
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,019
Tempers flared.
Voices were raised.
275
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,145
What?
276
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,605
PERALTA: You were
furious you wouldn't
be inheriting the farm.
277
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:24,898
I don't even
want the farm.
278
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,524
I've always been
more of a city boy.
279
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,817
I live in Poughkeepsie.
280
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,069
Well, I guess
that settles it.
281
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,487
(CHUCKLES)
282
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,906
Except you didn't
say I love you.
283
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,783
Excuse me?
When you left,
you said, "Good night."
284
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:35,867
You didn't say,
"I love you."
285
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,786
Now, you may be
a black sheep,
but you're still a Boyle.
286
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,662
And a Boyle always
says "I love you."
287
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,290
Not always.
Look around you.
It's written everywhere.
288
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,334
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
289
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,961
Okay, fine.
We were fighting.
290
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,046
But not over the will.
291
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,130
Pappy was mad at me
292
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,715
for missing that
Zoom call this summer.
293
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,801
I mean honestly, Lyndon,
what did you expect
would happen?
294
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,011
He said I was a disgrace
to the Boyle name.
295
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,387
So I didn't say,
"I love you."
296
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,806
I just stormed out
to the shed.
297
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,141
I went to get
the Grandmother Dough.
298
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,518
The Grandmother Dough?
299
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,561
Here it is.
The original
300
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,939
Boyle family
sourdough starter.
301
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,482
It's still good,
but the lid on the jar
302
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,817
has been stuck for
over a hundred years.
303
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,318
SAM: There's an old
family legend
304
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,945
that it can only
be opened by
305
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,322
the one true Boyle.
Mmm-hmm.
306
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,950
I wanted to show my dad
that I was not a disgrace
to the family.
307
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,076
But I couldn't
budge it.
308
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,160
Maybe he was right.
309
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,703
Oh, Lyndon.
What a tale.
310
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,498
But I don't think
that's why you came
in this barn at all.
311
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:24,916
I think you came
in here
312
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,000
for this.
313
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,210
Is that nutria poison?
314
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:30,797
It's rat poison.
Nutria are pets.
You psychopath.
315
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,757
Ah. Nitrobenzene.
316
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:36,136
That causes the exact
type of ulcers we found
in Pappy Boyle's mouth.
317
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:39,264
And look what
we have here.
318
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,852
A single brown hair,
belonging to the murderer.
319
00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,311
Terry, please
send this off
320
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,272
to the local
police station
for a DNA test.
321
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,608
Now all we need is one
of your hairs, Lyndon.
322
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,027
I didn't kill my father.
Why am I being singled out?
323
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,487
Why not take a hair
from every Boyle
324
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,239
so Cousin Lyndon
doesn't feel that way?
325
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,866
Sure, great idea.
I'll go first.
326
00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,951
PERALTA: I mean it's more
work for the lab,
but it's fine with me.
327
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,369
Are you okay
with that, Lyndon?
328
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,788
Oh, wow.
Went with a nose hair.
329
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:04,873
Didn't see that coming.
330
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:06,708
But it's definitely
long enough. (CHUCKLES)
331
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:07,917
No.
332
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,502
Okay, sir.
This app's
pretty simple.
333
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,296
If you don't like
the guy's profile,
you click "dang,"
334
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,006
and if you do,
you click "daaang."
335
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,299
That sounds
needlessly confusing.
336
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,301
Why? "Dang" is bad
and "daaang" is good?
337
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,178
Okay, let's thin
this herd.
338
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,263
Untucked shirt,
no thank you.
339
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,390
Born in San Diego, yikes.
340
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,933
An adult named Todd?
341
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,436
So this is what
online dating is like?
342
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:27,562
I didn't realize.
343
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,105
Realize how good
you have it with Kevin?
344
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,690
No, how it hasn't
changed.
345
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,734
You still have to pick
someone based on looks
346
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,068
and hope for
a connection later.
347
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,279
Oh, Lord, help me.
I'm going for it.
348
00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:39,073
I'm clicking "dang."
No. "Dang" is bad.
Click "daaang."
349
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,825
Why is this
so confusing?
350
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,535
How do I get
Hot Todd back?
351
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,954
DNA results are in.
352
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,289
Ooh, and?
Who did it?
353
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,291
It was Lyndon, right?
Hair is...
354
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,043
"Rodent in origin."
355
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,127
What? Doesn't
make any sense.
356
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,129
Here, forward it to me.
Must've been
a nutria hair.
357
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,048
Those things are
everywhere. Ugh.
358
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,132
Wait a minute.
This is weird.
359
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,759
According to
the DNA results,
360
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,094
everyone in the Boyle
family is related
except one.
361
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,055
Lyndon?
No. Charles.
362
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,934
Charles Boyle
isn't a Boyle.
363
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,105
That DNA test
has to be wrong.
364
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,900
I mean, Charles is
the most Boyle-y
of all the Boyles.
365
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,610
You know what?
I'm gonna call
Charles' dad,
366
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:16,736
get to the bottom
of this.
367
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,155
All right.
Thanks, Lynn. Bye.
368
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,740
What on earth
took so long?
369
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,076
Well, the first five
hours was mostly
just sobbing
370
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,160
and gasping for air.
371
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,746
Then he told me that
Charles' mom had an affair
372
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:27,830
with a rival florist.
373
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,208
Lynn always suspected
he might've been
Charles' dad,
374
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,001
but he decided
he loved him so much,
it didn't matter.
375
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:35,046
I don't understand.
Charles looks just like
all the other Boyles.
376
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,339
Apparently that's
not genetic.
377
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,091
The Boyles cuddle
their children so much,
378
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,259
it shapes
their bones that way.
379
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,552
He likened it to how
they grow square
watermelons.
380
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,972
Oh, my God.
We can't tell Charles.
381
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,598
You wanna lie
to our dear friend
382
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,308
about the one thing
that's most
important to him
383
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,476
in the whole world?
384
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,561
Yes.
Okay, good, me too.
385
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,272
Now all we have
to do is prove
that Cousin Lyndon
386
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,941
is the murderer before
Charles asks about
the DNA results.
387
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,442
Hi, guys.
(GASPS LOUDLY)
388
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,403
Hey, man.
Where'd you come from?
389
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,822
I slinked up.
You know how good
Boyles are at slinking.
390
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,448
It's because of our
fleshy toe pads.
391
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,325
Right. And you, Charles,
392
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,286
have said fleshy toe pads
393
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,787
because you are a Boyle,
394
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:11,249
from snout to anus.
395
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,625
That is so sweet.
396
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:13,793
I'm stealing that
for the eulogy.
397
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,044
You don't have to.
398
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,880
Ah. It's the exact
time we agreed
to meet
399
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:18,965
for our date,
and he's not here.
400
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:21,551
I'm sorry. I know how
you value punctuality.
401
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,970
In my employees.
But in potential
suitors,
402
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,097
I don't mind one or two
minutes of tardiness.
403
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,932
I like a bad boy.
404
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,017
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
405
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,601
I'm going to go
to the bathroom
406
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:33,229
to wash my hands,
in case we shake.
407
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,356
Ooh. (LAUGHS)
408
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,817
(SIGHS IMPATIENTLY)
I thought the point
was for Holt to bail
409
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:38,985
before he got
to an actual date.
410
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,611
It is. But this
works too.
411
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,196
I mean, did you see
the dude he matched with?
412
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,448
He calls himself
a doctor,
413
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:44,991
but he's actually
a chiropractor.
414
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,035
Are we sure Holt doesn't
respect chiropractors?
415
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,746
(BOTH LAUGHING)
416
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,166
I'm kidding. Oh.
(CLEARS THROAT)
There's Todd.
417
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,835
DIAZ: And here's Holt.
418
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,295
Started off strong,
nice big smile.
419
00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,379
Oh, not anymore.
420
00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,630
He just noticed
Todd's loafers.
421
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,923
Oh, Todd, you fool.
422
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,217
Holt thinks any shoes
without laces
are flip-flops.
423
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,803
DIAZ: Now the moment
that will send Holt
running toward the exit.
424
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:06,929
When he asks Todd
425
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,014
what he would
like to drink,
426
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,849
Todd orders, "Whatever
you're having."
427
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,352
Oh Todd, you fool.
Have your own opinion.
428
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,979
Wait a second.
Are they gonna sit down?
429
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,440
In a booth?
Oh, no, Rosa.
430
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,567
Todd's not the fool.
We're the fools.
431
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,320
I have eyes
on the package.
432
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,571
He's headed towards you.
433
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:24,655
I'm on it.
434
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:25,740
BOYLE: Seriously, guys,
why are we doing this?
435
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,492
We should just wait
for the DNA test.
436
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,619
We will. But the lab said
it would take a week.
437
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,746
They had to get
a new tech.
438
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:32,872
Oh, no. Why?
439
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:37,168
Uh. The old one
had a bad allergic
reaction to beakers.
440
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,462
Ugh. Labs are full
of them. That's awful.
441
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,838
Yeah, and real.
442
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,965
Anyways, since Lyndon
is our only actual suspect,
443
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,217
we might
as well investigate.
444
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,968
Let me ask you this.
Is he gushing?
445
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,513
Don't say those words.
The pressure
of keeping secrets
446
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,056
makes Boyles stress-sweat.
447
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,474
JEFFORDS: Wait.
He's leaving
the property.
448
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:54,018
Can you stay with him?
Yeah. I think so.
449
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,520
I just have to get
around the barn and...
450
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,604
(SCREAMS)
451
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,688
Terr-bear?
452
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,316
I'm sorry.
I was following Lyndon
453
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,235
and I crawled
into that thing.
454
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,654
That thing has a name.
It's Muffin.
455
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,447
Well, thanks to Muffin,
we lost Lyndon.
456
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:09,325
Yes. But also
thanks to Muffin,
457
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,495
I just solved the case
of who killed Pappy Boyle.
(RADIO FEEDBACK)
458
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,788
We're right here.
459
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,665
Yeah. I didn't think
it would feedback.
460
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,709
SANTIAGO: Oh, no, Rosa.
They're leaving together.
461
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:19,836
What are we gonna do?
462
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,963
We stop them.
Even if it means
we have to kill Todd.
463
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,172
SANTIAGO: Smart. Let's go.
464
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:25,508
Looking for someone?
465
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,593
Sir. Uh,
what's going on?
466
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,346
What's going on
is that you were trying
to manipulate me,
467
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,432
but it is I who
manipulated you.
468
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:36,227
How does it feel to
suckle from your
own tainted teat?
469
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,396
Not as bad as it
feels to hear
you say "suckle."
470
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,523
So you were never
really going home
with Todd?
471
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,317
You actually think I would
have relations with him?
472
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:44,569
I really thought
we had something.
473
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,279
Wake up, Todd.
I'm out of your league.
474
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,739
You thought you could
meddle in my personal life,
475
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,242
but I was ten moves
ahead the whole time.
476
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,869
And now, checkmate.
477
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,371
Ooh. I love chess.
Have you seen
The Queen's Gambit?
478
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,331
It's a TV show.
Todd, I swear to God.
479
00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:00,460
The person who killed
Pappy wasn't
a person at all.
480
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:01,544
It was Muffin.
481
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,628
(ALL GASP)
482
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,047
I checked her mouth,
and Muffin had the same
ulcers that Pappy had.
483
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,508
Muffin ate the poison,
and then Pappy
drank her milk.
484
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:08,801
So Lyndon was innocent.
485
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,636
The hair on the box
must have been Muffin's.
486
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,263
Did you get
the DNA report back?
487
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,347
Exactly.
488
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:14,432
BOYLE: Wait,
but I thought
the report was gonna
489
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,017
take a week
because of the lab
tech's allergies.
490
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,310
Uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh.
491
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,020
But then they decided
to use a subcontractor
492
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,730
who was allergy-free,
so let's just move on
493
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:21,898
and talk about
something else
immediately.
494
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,150
Three "uh-huh's"?
Clearly you're lying
about something.
495
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,027
Why you being
a jerk to me?
496
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,111
Show me
the report, Jake.
497
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,071
Okay, fine.
But just look
at the top result
498
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,281
cause that's
all that matters.
499
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,534
"Specimen hair
was rodent
in nature."
500
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:34,744
And that's that.
501
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,078
Oh, my God.
502
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,790
I'm not a Boyle.
(ALL GASP)
503
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,045
Okay. I love you
too, Dad.
504
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,088
Did you guys
change clothes?
505
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,757
Yeah, Charles.
It's tomorrow now.
506
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,383
You've been on the phone
for 14 hours.
507
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,927
Well, you know
what they say,
508
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,429
"Time flies when God
pulls down his pants
509
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,056
"and takes a dump
on your life."
510
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:56,724
Oh, buddy.
I'm so sorry.
511
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,392
I just wanna go home.
512
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,811
What? You can't leave.
What about the eulogy?
513
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,021
I don't feel right
giving it now.
514
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,856
Sam offered to step in.
I'll have him do it.
515
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:05,775
No, no, no. Wait.
516
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:07,193
Assemble the cousins.
517
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,278
Last night we learned
that Pappy Boyle's death
518
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,488
was not foul play.
519
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,156
But even though
there was no murder,
520
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,699
there was a robbery.
521
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,410
Charles had his sense
of self stolen from him
522
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:17,662
by Sam Boyle.
523
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,080
(ALL GASP)
You said it
yourself, Charles,
524
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,624
the Boyles have a long history
of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.
525
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,418
Sam couldn't stand
that you were chosen
to give the eulogy.
526
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,503
Think about it.
527
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,588
It was Sam who made sure
we knew the will was missing.
528
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:30,091
We can't find
Pappy's will.
529
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:33,344
PERALTA: Then Sam again
who suggested you all
get your DNA tested.
530
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,429
Why not take a hair
from every Boyle?
531
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:38,266
PERALTA: And finally,
Sam who made sure
we all knew the results.
532
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:40,393
Did you get
the DNA report back?
533
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,687
This is ridiculous.
I love Charles.
534
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:45,231
Okay, well then.
I'm sure you wouldn't mind
giving him a hug then.
535
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,440
Since you love
him so much.
536
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,317
Sure. I always like
to hug my cousin.
537
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:50,778
MAN: He's gushing!
538
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,280
(ALL GASP)
Darn it.
539
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,073
I thought these
would hide it,
540
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,033
but I gushed through
my pit diapers.
541
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,828
All right, fine.
I always suspected
542
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,037
that Charles
wasn't one of us.
543
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,123
I mean, he went
through puberty at 13,
544
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,499
instead of 25,
545
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,625
like a normal Boyle.
546
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,878
And when he got chosen
to give the eulogy,
547
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,006
something inside
of me snapped.
548
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,549
So I hid the will.
549
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,842
I admit it.
550
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,176
Are you happy now?
551
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,303
Very.
Not at all.
552
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:17,179
Wait, what? Charles,
we solved the case.
553
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,764
He confessed.
Doesn't matter.
554
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:20,558
I'm still not a Boyle.
555
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,019
I'm just
a normal person.
556
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,064
(VOICE BREAKS) Normal
from snout to anus.
557
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,401
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
(RAIN PATTERING)
558
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,153
We wanted to apologize.
559
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:35,072
And if you wanna
gloat about how
you outsmarted us,
560
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,616
go ahead.
We deserve it.
561
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,034
I won't be doing
any gloating.
562
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,578
I mean, I did last night.
I went home and had a drink
563
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:42,413
to toast to
your humiliation.
564
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:43,664
But it didn't
feel right,
565
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:44,915
because I had no one
to toast with,
566
00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,250
no one to share
my glee.
567
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:50,171
I had won,
but I was alone.
(SIGHS)
568
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,340
And I realized,
569
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,842
this is exactly what
I'm doing to Kevin.
570
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,386
Trying to win therapy.
571
00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:58,846
And it hit me.
572
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,848
I care so much
about winning
573
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,268
that I've lost everything.
574
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:07,772
Tell Kevin
how you feel.
575
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,025
It's raining.
You could run to him.
576
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,485
This is the real
world, Santiago.
577
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,820
Relationships end
in unsatisfying
ways every day.
578
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,616
People don't run
to each other in the rain.
579
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,951
KEVIN: Raymond!
Raymond Holt!
580
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,036
Kevin?
581
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,123
Raymond!
582
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,756
Raymond, am I too late?
583
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,007
Too late?
584
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,592
My friend saw
your dating profile
585
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,219
and your photo
without collar stays.
586
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,137
I thought
I'd lost you.
587
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,182
You will never
lose me.
588
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,601
I'll do anything
to keep you.
589
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,770
I'll compromise
on everything.
The work, the...
590
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,438
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
591
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:00,783
Nancy Meyers
never fails.
592
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,328
Now that we're doing it,
it feels kinda weird
593
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,455
to be staring at your
friends while they kiss.
594
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,582
Are you kidding?
It's beautiful.
595
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,420
I love you.
596
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,213
I love you.
597
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:17,967
Okay, I'm packed.
Let's go home.
598
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,429
Charles, I'm sorry.
I feel like this
was all my fault.
599
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:23,013
Why? Did you
inseminate my mother?
600
00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,140
What? Ew, no.
601
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,559
Don't say ew.
She's my one
blood relation.
602
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,144
Remember, I'm
not a real Boyle.
603
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,020
Okay, fine.
604
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,605
Maybe you're not
a real Boyle.
605
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:33,607
But what if you're
a true Boyle?
606
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:36,652
What if you're
the one true Boyle?
607
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,696
No, no. You want me
to open the
Grandmother Dough.
608
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:39,905
That jar is
stuck shut.
609
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,615
Nobody's ever
been able to do it.
610
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:42,825
But you have to try.
611
00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,160
Terry, go grab it.
612
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:48,205
All right, now let's
reassemble those cousins.
613
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,625
I'm not gonna
be able to do this,
614
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,085
and I'm gonna be
even more humiliated.
615
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,795
Just try.
I believe in you.
616
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,966
So did you loosen it?
617
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:00,551
I tried,
but it's slippery,
618
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:01,844
and that thing
is sealed on tight.
619
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,554
I couldn't budge it.
Oh, no.
620
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,264
Uh, hey, Charles.
621
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:07,099
Remember when I said
that I believed in you?
622
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,059
Yes. It's the entire
reason I'm doing this.
623
00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:10,895
Oh. Godspeed.
624
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,396
(GRUNTING)
625
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:13,856
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
626
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,620
Ah! I did it!
627
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,079
He's the one
true Boyle.
628
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:30,748
(ALL CHEERING)
629
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,834
Oh, my God.
What is that stench?
630
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,336
It's the
Grandmother Dough.
631
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:36,462
It smells horrible.
632
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,797
Not to a Boyle.
633
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:38,964
(SNIFFING)
PERALTA: Oh, God.
634
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:41,342
It's cutting through
the smell of the corpse.